a love blog by Stefanie Ellis
I created this blog with the intention of learning more about love. I thought, by reaching out to couples who have made it work, that I might gain the hope needed to move forward in my own quest for love.
Turns out, my plan worked.
Most love stories follow a fairly linear path. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love and get married, then buy a house and a crock pot.
Marina and Jarrod’s story isn’t like that.
In order to understand the road they’ve taken over the last 17 years, you need a GPS.
She had a list. You know, that list all women create that outlines what they’re looking for in a partner? Katie’s list was a little different, though.
#14: Likes sunshine.
#34: Will feel comfortable talking about poop with me.
#40: Likes mullets.
#42: Will sing me the “Top Gun” song.
He’s a food snob. She makes caramel corn with high fructose corn syrup. She’s never been married. He was married for 30 years.
She knows no strangers, and he is soft-spoken and shy.
She prefers movies where there is fighting and things blowing up, and he cries at Cinderella.
They are perfect for each other.
I used to think it was a load of crap when people told me you had to love yourself before you could ever love someone else, but now I finally know it’s true.
Some of the happiest couples I’ve talked to have a strong sense of self. They recognize the importance of building love around the life you already have, rather than reshaping your life to fit love inside. The love has got to fill you already. No one else can – and no one else will – do it for you.
“The silent passive aggressive thing doesn’t work in this household,” Carol says.
“When one of us is upset, we don’t get in each other’s face. If we need to cool off, we’re really respectful of that. It’s good to have that space to try to process and articulate what it is that’s upsetting us, and then we can talk it through.”
“I’ve had some bad relationships, and no one I could ever really visualize a future with. I always saw the end of the relationship looming before me.
“When I met Match, for the first time I could actually picture a future, and couldn’t see an end in sight.”
“You’ve got to work at it,” Tony says. “And not be overcome if you have failure. Move beyond it and keep working. You’ll learn from the failure. You have to be honest with your partner, too.
“We may not have a marriage contract, but we certainly have a commitment, and we honor that.”
“A friend told me long ago that if you want a charming prince, you have to be a charming princess. You need to be the person you would want to be with. One of the things I love about him is he accepts me as I was, and as I am right now. Other boyfriends wanted my hair a certain way or for me to wear heels, and I was feeling like a trophy and it was not right.
Ramiro loved me as I was, in my happiest and worst moments.”