Date Girl and Match

November 23rd, 2010

This is a weird story for me to write.

Not weird, weird, but weird in the sense that I never imagined this would happen. I never thought I’d be writing a story about a girl I didn’t know, but whose life I read about on the internet.

Many years ago, when I was writing a blog about my dating misadventures, I received regular comments from someone named Date Girl, who had a blog with the same name. She, too, was writing about her journey through the dating world. It was mostly about how frustrating it all was, and how she finally realized she was fed up with all the drama, and wanted to find a partner. I could relate to her travails. We were bonded in our singledom.

One day recently, I thought about her. I wondered how her journey was going, so I visited her blog again. I was amazed to read about her upcoming wedding! Apparently, while on the dating roller coaster, she jumped off long enough to meet someone who didn’t cause her nausea, and she fell in love.

Date Girl was now Married Girl.

I emailed her immediately, asking to interview her for my new blog about successful, lasting love – a stark departure from my former life of catch and release.

She agreed, and so did her now-husband, Match.

When they first started dating, he was oft referred to as Match on her blog, and now I understand why.

They met on

But this is not an endorsement for online dating. It’s just how they met. It’s how many couples meet, but it’s not often the vehicle through which couples stay together.

But Match and Date Girl beat the odds. Even after a super-quick courtship that saw them living together after a month.

Though they’re both young, they are very real, and they’re honest about their stories – both before and after they knew each other. They talk about the lovely parts, but also the struggles and challenges that show up in day-to-day life.

Their answers, just like their personalities, are really cute. So I’m going to let them do the talking.

How did you know this was it?

Match: How about the first conversation? We weren’t even dating. We talked on the phone for an hour and half. I just knew.

DG: Same for me. I think it was the first time we instant messaged, even. I just knew this guy was different. The first time we met, it was like I was seeing an old friend. We snuggled up together like we’d been together for years.

Were you ever scared of commitment?

Match: Yeah, I’ve been scared of commitment before. It was because I knew they weren’t the right person for me. When I met DG, I felt privileged just to be dating her. I was completely committed.

DG: Yes, most definitely in the past. I’ve had some bad relationships, and no one I could ever really visualize a future with. I always saw the end of the relationship looming before me. When I met Match, for the first time I could actually picture a future, and couldn’t see an end in sight.

Did you grow up wanting to get married?

Match: Little boys don’t really think about that kind of stuff. I just knew I wanted to get married someday. I thought it was a normal thing for people to do in their life and I wanted to have it eventually, but I didn’t fantasize about it or anything.

DG: I wasn’t like most little girls. I didn’t really picture a wedding day until I was older. By then I was kind of jaded and wondered if marriage was something I was ever going to have. I think the string of broken hearts really made me feel jaded. That, and I was a child of divorce, and I knew if I were ever to get married, there was no way I’d get a divorce. It had to be permanent for me, so I didn’t want any doubts. I wanted to marry my best friend, and there was no way I was going to settle for less than that.

How do you view marriage now, if it’s different than the way you used to view it?

Match: It takes a lot of work to have a good, happy, successful relationship. I view marriage now in a way as a privilege, but also a job. You have to want the responsibility. You have to want to dedicate yourself. You need to want the responsibility of being a part of something that’s more than just yourself.

DG: Now I see that it really is possible for me to have this kind of happiness. I found exactly what I was looking for. Sometimes it’s a job, but I look forward to the work. I love that our relationship grows and matures with us.

What sort of idea have you had of love? Has it changed throughout the years?

Match: Back then I thought you dedicate yourself strictly to them. As I grew, my perspective on love grew into realizing that it is kind of an exchange. You want to find someone who helps you grow as much as you help them grow. As I grew, my perspective on love grew. I realized that me being happy in the relationship is just as important as them being happy. I used to just try to make them happy, but I never made sure of what I wanted.

DG: I used to think love was messy and full of tears and heartache. I had such drama-filled relationships in the past, that I began to think it was normal. I’m so glad I was wrong. Sure, Match and I get into arguments just like any other couple, but never that up and down drama of my earlier relationships.

What’s your relationship personality?

Match: We’re total goofballs!

DG: We have these funny noises we make, especially this one sound I make, “eemmerr.” I have no idea how it started, but now it’s kind of like our call signal. When I come home I say it, and vice versa. It’s completely goofy, but it’s just so us. One time, we got dressed up in our pajamas and walked downtown to a local bar and I sang karaoke. I love that Match doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, and was totally fine with looking silly in public with me.

What’s good about your life together?

Match: The highlight of my day is laying down in bed next to her. When she snuggles into my pit (armpit) and we fall asleep.

DG: I think the fact that we’re just happy to come home to each other. I still get those little butterflies in my stomach sometimes when I’m driving home because I know he’ll be there and I can’t wait to see him. One of my favorite things that he does is when we go to bed and curl up together, he’ll open up his arm and say, “Come here, get in my pit.” Then I’ll snuggle up and fall asleep with my head on his chest.

What do you think you bring to the relationship? What does your partner bring to the table that you don’t?

Match: I’m very logical in my thinking. “We’ll see” is one of my go-to phrases when DG gets excited. DG is just a very happy person. It keeps me happy. Sometimes I think I dwell on things or think about things too seriously. She reminds me that there’s more to life than stressing about the small stuff.

DG: I definitely bring the positive, happy go lucky side to our relationship. I think I’m a bit more of a dreamer. I think Match keeps me grounded.

Tell me how you remained committed to making it work, despite some of life’s inevitable challenges.

Match: How about all my career shit? Basically my career path has been a real thorn in our side. From the fire academy to not having weekends free for a whole year, to working graveyard at the casino, to coming home angry every day from a terrible job, and now to the police academy, being busy all of the time and stressed. My whole employment situation has been tough. Even when I was out of work or between jobs, I’d come home angry and emotional. I’d honestly say that’s been our biggest issue so far. It’s important to both of us that I have a job I enjoy that will help us support a family. Basically Date Girl has helped support us financially and emotionally while I worked towards finding an ideal career.

DG: Yes, the job thing has definitely been our big issue. There was a time when I worried that Match wasn’t ready for the next step. But we talked it out and we each communicated our fears and our goals in life. Really it just boils down to communication. You have to be willing to talk about the tough stuff. You can’t swallow your feelings, you’ve got to let the other person know how you feel. Our challenges have been financial stress and career stress. But there was never a doubt that we loved each other, so it made those other problems insignificant.

What are some of the things you love most about your partner and why?

Match: I just love how happy and good she is. She’d do anything for her friends. She always brings me up, never brings me down. Even when she’s sad, I just want to help her and make her feel happy again. She’s smart, good sense of humor, funny. Basically just an incredible personality. Oh, and she’s hot!

DG: His affection, his honesty, the way he’ll turn and give me a little hug and kiss the top of my head when we’re at the grocery store or doing something else mundane. He’s completely dedicated and he doesn’t give up when he puts his mind to something. He makes me laugh. He’s smart, and we have real conversations. He challenges me. He’s also incredibly sexy and has a really cute butt!

What have you learned about love and compromise?

Match: No one ever really wins. Even making dinner doesn’t come without a compromise. You cook, I’ll do the dishes. I think compromise is probably the heart and soul of a good relationship. Right there with communication. A good relationship will never survive if it’s always one sided. It has to come evenly from both sides.

DG: I’ve learned, besides compromising, that I don’t have to change who I am for my partner. In the past I always felt like I had to change who I was, and with Match I can be completely me.

The moral of this story?

That once-jaded girl I met online so many years ago has one thing to say to the non-believers. She wants us to know that love is real, and it’s out there.

“When I first started my blog I didn’t really believe in love,” she admits. “And just look at how life turned out.”