Erica and Mike

December 16th, 2010

He’s a food snob. She makes caramel corn with high fructose corn syrup.

She’s never been married. He was married for 30 years.

She knows no strangers, and he is soft-spoken and shy.

She prefers movies where there is fighting and things blowing up, and he cries at Cinderella.

They are perfect for each other.

Erica and Mike met in 2008 at a boundaries and relationships class. Mike, who was recently divorced, signed up for three classes, and Erica was in the last one he attended.

“I did not want to be stuck in a room with 70 people I had never met before for two freakin days,” she recalls. “Mike came up to me and started yelling, and said, ‘You’re just like my ex wife.’”

“There was more to it than that,” Mike rebuts. “I said, ‘You’re a type A personality, just like my ex wife.’ And she said, ‘You’re a crazy little white man.’”

“We’ve been together ever since,” Erica laughs. “Before I met him, I made a list of everything I wanted in a man, and it was very long. There were only two things he didn’t hit – tall and black! We were both praying every day that we’d find someone, but I’ve always been single. I like my job and I’m happy, so I was okay being alone the rest of my life.”

Mike was praying that his ex would find peace in the world, and that his daughter and son would find happiness, but admits to having given up on finding love.

After just two dates, however, they knew their prayers had been answered.

“I was dating several guys at the time, and called them all and said it was over,” remembers Erica. “They all laughed and said I was crazy and there is no way I’d settle down with one person. I’m an indigo. We have a different DNA strand than everyone else. One thing the experts say is that we only mate with one person the rest of our lives. You’ll know it when you meet them, and that’s it – you’re done. Mike is my soul mate, and I believe God put us together, because I wouldn’t have put us together!”

Erica’s mom gave her seal of approval.

The twist, however, comes from the fact that her mom is no longer alive. But like any opinionated mother, she found a way to make her feelings known.

“My mom is a pervasive spirit,” says Erica, “and she smells like sandalwood and patchouli. She kept coming to Mike’s apartment.”

Though Mike was totally baffled, he can’t argue with what happened.

“It was a guy’s apartment,” he says. “If it smelled like anything, it smelled like meat. Then all of a sudden it smelled like patchouli. No matter how many times I washed my sheets and towels, the scent was still there. It seemed we got her blessing.”

Perhaps Erica’s mother was happy that Mike had learned a lot about relationships after his thirty-year marriage ended.

“I had a lot of therapy before I started dating again,” he admits. “A lot of the things I did in my first marriage and the mistakes I made…I’m attempting not to make them. A marriage is a partnership. There isn’t just one person who screws it up. You can’t make someone else behave a certain way. I try to be cognizant of my part in everything, and respect her making her own decisions.

“When I was living alone, it was all about me and what I wanted. I didn’t have anyone to share it with, and found that very hollow and lonely. Now that I have someone to share it with, I don’t feel less freedom or independence. I just know there’s someone here who loves me.”

Erica had to ask her guy friends for relationship advice.

“The best advice I got,” she admits, “was, if you’re going to love him, you need to love all of him. Even the stuff you don’t like.”

That’s how James Earle Jones showed up.

“When we got together, I noticed that every time he repeated something I said, he’d use an obnoxious, screechy voice,” Erica says. “When I would repeat things he said, I’d use a dumb guy voice. These were very hurtful habits to both of us, so we decided that when imitating the other person, we’d use James Earl Jones’ voice. Silly, but not hurtful. It seems to work well for both of us.”

It’s compromises like this, coupled with a hearty dose of good fun, that seem to be the glue that so tightly binds this sassy couple’s relationship. That, and the fact that they are both crazy about each other and truly enjoy one another’s company.

“When we’re apart, all we want to be is together,” says Mike. “We like walking, talking, being on the couch and snuggling. I don’t sit in my armchair and read my paper. I sit, with Erica next to me, playing with her hair.

“She takes really good care of me. I don’t ask her to, but she does. I always tell her how beautiful she is, and remind her I love her. She gets foot rubs. Women need attention. You can’t forget how special they are. You have to appreciate them for the things they do for you.”

Erica gives Mike pedicures, cuts his hair and brings him into the key decisions she makes in her life.

“I want him to die to get home every day,” she admits. “He went out with his friends not long ago, and texted me that all his friends wanted to find women to take home, but he wanted to come home to me. THAT is what I want to hear.”

Whether it’s in a James Earle Jones voice or not, it seems like something Erica will be hearing for a very long time.

Just as Mike wipes away a tear from hearing Erica talk about how much he means to her, he tells me how much he’s looking forward to retirement.

“Then,” he smiles, “we can be together all the time.”